i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
