She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
