Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
