Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
