Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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