Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he fucked my hip out of place.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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