At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
