I'm jealous of your bromance
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize