Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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