If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
