very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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