He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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