I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize