and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
