Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
