what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
