omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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