I hate your face
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
how drunk are you?
Several
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
