I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
