I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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