Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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