Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
