I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
where am i from again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
