Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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