I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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