you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
