There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
