k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
time to smoke my breakfast
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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