We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
