at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
