and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
