i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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