she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
