i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
