Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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