Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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