drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
two words: eviction party
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize