at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
