My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
