i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
