She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
