I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
