He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
