Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
how does that bad decision feel?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
