i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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