Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
