I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
40s are totally the cure
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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