theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
