Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
