The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
