Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
