so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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