and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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