I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize