In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
