I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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