my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
