either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
