im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
