Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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