I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
