I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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