Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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