I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
