I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
