I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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