OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
