p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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