I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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