Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
