the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
one might say we're banned from that church
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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