Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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