Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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