dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
