Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
