There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
