There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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