He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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