Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
