I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
