It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
