3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
