So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize