Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
