this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
