Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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