mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
