maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
