Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
