just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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