The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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