i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize